A few lies of the fitness industry

There are numerous wannabe experts and so-called fitness gurus out there who are peddling all manner of half-truths and outright lies in the name of providing the masses with health and fitness advice. This is advice that - in most cases - has ended up costing people lots of time, money and caused untold emotional anguish. 

The saddest thing is that so many people out there believe these so-called gurus and everything they say to be the only truth. This is despite the fact that a good number of these ‘fitness Messiahs’ are only out to mint money. But who can blame them, it’s a tough world, a ripped brother/skinny sister’s gotta eat right? No man, there has to be limits.

In a world full of half-baked/twisted truths and outright lies, it can be quite difficult to find the right path to your fitness journey. But don’t worry, here is a start; the following are a few fairy tales that many people believe to be true.

Smoothies are magic concoctions that will help you lose weight in one week

If you have been trying to lose weight for some time then I am pretty sure you have come across quite a number of smoothie recipes. A good number of the authors of these ‘magic cures’ usually tell people that the most effective way to approach the whole weight loss thing is to drop all other foods and go on a full-smoothie diet for a week or so. 

Don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that smoothies are bad, or that they won’t help you shed weight. They are actually very healthy and might help you lose weight. The reality however is that the weight you shed as a result of living on blended veggies like a toothless rabbit will come back very fast, once you revert to your normal diet (because you can't survive on smoothies forever). In fact most people talk of 'cravings from hell' during this so called 'detox week'. This is because they are denying their bodies vital macro-nutrients necessary for survival. At the end of it all, there is a high chance that all those days of low-energy, irritability, lethargy and headaches would have been for naught.

 

I know many bubbles have been burst by this statement but it’s the truth. This method of losing weight is simply not sustainable; it is ridiculous, torturous, painful and unnatural…to put it simply “forget about it.” If you want to lose weight all you have to do is be at a calorie-deficit. In layman’s language, cut down the amount of food you eat every day. That’s the number one rule.

Performing 100 sit-ups, 10-minute plank holds etc. every day will give you a six pack

What if I told you that everyone has a six-pack? Oh you are surprised aren’t you now? But it’s a fact. The same way everyone has muscles in every other part of their body is the same way they have a six-pack. So relax underwear models, those washboard abs aren’t a gift from the gods of vanity. 

 

The rectus abdominus - that’s the biological name for the ‘mythical’ six-pack and EVERY human alive has them…. The only difference is how visible and/or developed they are. The more flab you have, the less visible (seemingly non-existent) they become. In fact, the average man will have to take his body fat percentage to almost single digits in order to get that ‘properly-cut’ look. This is quite difficult (not impossible) for most people and even harder for women.  It requires one to religiously watch their diet and/or be on a very intense training program that involves a whole lot of calorie burning. But when all is said and done, diet is king. 

Now don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that subjecting your middle section to rigorous training will not sculpt your abs. It will without a doubt. However, if you have a good amount of lard around that same area, no one will ever get to see those babies - after all, isn’t that what a six-pack is all about? -  ‘Show and tell’

Fitness gurus have your best interest at heart

Naaah bruh! This is a very dangerous line of thought to possess within your grey matter. You see, what a majority of people don’t understand is that most of the guys out there giving health and fitness advice, are just trying to get ahead in life. Once they find an opening that works, they go all in. There are so many individuals in the fitness industry that fit this exact description. They will create fairy tales and market their products (mostly diets, supplements and workout plans) with the vigour of a squirrel on steroids chasing nuts. Mike Chang comes to mind.

The whole idea here is to sell a dream. I am talking shredded abs, paper thin skin, veiny biceps, sexy models and great wealth. They may not say it directly but once you are done consuming their marketing material you will leave with the notion that only they hold the answer to all your problems. These guys are really good salesmen/women and have mastered the art of left-brain manipulation i.e. the emotional part of your central command. It may not work on everyone but it works on enough people to enable them make a very comfortable living. There’s only one defense my friends, knowledge. Don’t believe everything you are told by these guys or anyone for that matter, always question.

More fairy tales to follow, stay tuned........................

The evolution of a (Kenyan) Cyclist - Newbie to Addict - Final Part

 For part 2 click here........

“My father ‘racist’, my mother ‘racist’, my uncle ‘racist’ – Kenyan runner”

NB: Let it be noted that the word ‘racist’ in this case has nothing whatsoever to do with someone who discriminates upon others because of their race. It is a corruption of ‘racer’, and is based on the  assumption that the noun form of a verb should end with ‘ist’ a good example being cycle (verb) whose noun form is cyclist.

Just so we are clear.

Moving on swiftly….

Stage 14: Your first (real) training ride

You now know a few people in the Kenyan cycling community. People who you believe have hidden motors within their bikes. After a couple more 100-km rides you feel ready to go out on that training ride that the ‘pro guys’ have been trying to convince you to join them in. You make the call, a date is set. 

It’s D-day: you ride to the starting point; you are informed that you will be covering 50 Kilometers only. You get disappointed and make this known, “I thought it would be longer”. Everyone giggles at your ‘youthful exuberance’. The ride starts, you are able to keep up for the first 5 Km but this is only the warm-up. The pace begins to pick up and that’s when you discover new parts of your anatomy. You try to keep up but it’s pointless. At the end of the ride you go back home feeling slightly violated but motivated at the same time.

Sam 'the tourist' Ouma at the VeloNos SBITT3. Credit Moses Kamwere

Stage 15: Your first race

You are on the Kenya cycling Facebook page one day then you see it: a nicely done poster advertising an upcoming race. You have definitely been thinking about trying your ‘leg(s) at racing’ but for one reason or another, there has always been a perfect reason (excuse) not to. One time it was your bike, the other it was the death of your pet monkey, this other time it was too hot. For whatever reason however, this time round, the urge to do it finally overwhelms your never ending ‘proverbs’. You call your cycling mentor (most people have one) for advice and he/she tells you to get on with it. It’s the kick you have always needed and so with no further consideration you send the registration fee to the number provided. You can’t believe you just did that. But what the heck! On race-day you dress in your best kit and head to the event location. 

The sight that greets you is intimidating: from the bikes to the kits to the lean-mean bodies. Before you can even think of changing your mind, you hear someone screaming “race briefing”. 5 minutes later the car horn blares and the race is on. 

Kinja (Sossi) and Gichora (Kenya Riders) Kenya's bike racing royalty. Credit: Kamwere

Good lord they are going so fast! You try to keep up but a few Kilometres in you realize that it’s pointless; you decide to tone it down, find a few other saner racers and simply survive to the finish. After a few hours the torture is over, your body is covered in salt and you could swear that you saw Jesus at some point during the race. 

Final Stretch VeloNos SBITT 3. Credit: Moses Kamwere

3 bananas and a few pints of water later you feel well enough to socialize and that’s when you get schooled on the science of training and racing. The road-bike discussion comes up again but this time you are more receptive, the idea doesn’t sound so outrageous. Your mind has been completely altered, your body battered - a road bike must be the solution to all your problems. It’s just money.

Stage 16: Your first road bike

If you follow the correct advice and are lucky enough to be surrounded by genuine people, your first road-bike will be good enough for racing, not the best but good enough. You will hand over the cash quickly so that you don’t change your mind midway through the transaction. If it’s late in the day you will rush back home and stare at it for several hours and maybe even share your bed with it. The next day you will get on it and realize just how fast it accelerates.  What follows will be a feeling of fear and excitement and you will love it.

Stage 17: The addict

This is the final stage, you have now been cycling on Kenyan roads and trails for a few years. A good number of the following points most probably describe your life.

• You look at newbies and smile remembering that a while back, that’s exactly where you were. Some even look up to you now.  

• You try and find time to ride whenever you can even if it means calling in sick from work.

• You register for pretty much every race even the ones that require you to drive several hundred kilometers out of town like the Great Rift Valley Challenge. 

• Even if you don’t always race, you attend most cycling events just to support other riders

• You absolutely don’t care about the costs/logistics of getting to races or big social rides.

• If strava shows 59KM at the end of your ride, you will clip back in and find that one KM to make 60. Even if it means riding around in circles.

• You own almost as many cycling shoes as actual shoes.

• You have had to drop certain friends because you no longer speak the same language (cycling).

•  Nights out with friends no longer appeal to you as much because hangovers and 200KM rides don’t go well together.

•  Most of your weekends are planned around long rides, everything else is a distraction

• You have a very expensive addiction to carbon fiber.

Swift Carbon at the H2H 4 (2018). Credit Moses Kamwere

• You have a mountain bike, a road-bike and are probably on the market for another bike (N+1).

•  You have a few scars on you indicating the number of times body has met tarmac and you take pride in them. 

• You frequently speak the language of watts and watts/KG (for those obsessed with training and racing performance)

•  You have a favourite pro rider and team. 

•  You follow all the 3 Tours from Day 1 to Day 21.  

• You watch all the Spring Classics including the Paris-Roubaix which can last well over 6 hours – start to finish. 

•  You are leaner, faster and everyone in your family insists that you should represent Kenya at the Tour de France. You laugh; they simply don’t understand how it works. 

Congratulations, you are now permanently addicted to cycling. It doesn’t matter what happens to take you off the bike for whatever period of time, you will always get back on it. 

The evolution of a (Kenyan) Cyclist - Newbie to Addict - Part 2

 Continuation.......

For Part 1 click here.........................

Stage 7: The first metamorphosis

Once you get back home, you realize just how much your perspective has changed. Your bike no longer looks as sexy and trendy as you thought and neither does the guy in the mirror so you call your new friend and lay down your requirements:

• A new bike,
• new riding kit,
• a puncture repair kit,
• cycling glasses,
• one of those things where you stick your water bottle in; “what’s it called again?”, a water cage; “Yes, that one”.

The list continues:

•  a pair of gloves,
• a new helmet,
• a bike water bottle (“a bidon?”…. “ati what?!”)
• and last but not least, a new body.

The last item, you are informed, cannot be purchased. You are still not too sure about those bib-short thingies that hug the nether regions a little too much. The shoes that clip into the pedals - eeeh no thanks! What if my feet don’t come off and I end up falling in the middle of the road, stuck on my bike and a car runs over my neck?! Pass! Everything else is ok. The cycling professor hooks you up with a guy.

Stage 8: New gear, new me

You go out on your first ride in new gear and bike (probably an ex-UK/US aluminum mountain-bike). Man, it flies! You no longer carry a back pack. Now you have a cage for your water bottle, jersey pockets for your phone, wallet and snacks. Ahhh yes…and no more tissue paper (what was that for again?) You still wear Bermudas.

Ex-US Stevens MTB

Stage 9: Your first group ride

Your pro-friend calls you one day and invites you for a ride with a bunch of other cyclists. You are anxious. What will they think of you? You put on your best jersey. You ride to the meet-up point trying as much as possible to look cool. You get there and that’s when you realize….”These guys are full-out pros!” You almost turn back but it’s too late. The good news is that there is so much warmth and so you feel a little comfortable. 

Kenya cycling group ride in Mabrouke Limuru

The ride starts. After a few kilometers things begin to heat up but luckily you are not the last person in the group. You realize that there are other riders who have also just picked up cycling; you end up forming your own sub-group and riding with them at a comfortable pace all the way to the finish. It’s the best day of your life. Your very first group ride. You realize that there are so many people out there who share your new-found passion. You fall deeper in love.

Kenya cycling group ride for Dr. Eddie Khayo

Stage 10: The second metamorphosis: Killing the Fred

Fred: A term used by ‘serious’ road cyclists to describe other cyclists who do not conform to ‘serious road cyclists’ norms with regard to dress and equipment. (bikeparts.wikia.com). 

Your pro friend calls you for the second group ride. Before and after the ride you get to talk with the more experienced guys in the group. After a lot of resistance you are finally convinced to drop the Bermuda shorts in exchange for thigh-hugging, bum-exaggerating lycra. Then comes your worst fear; the clipped in pedals discussion. Like a hypnotized zombie, you end up  saying yes! The shoe guy (there’s one in the group apparently) says he will do a delivery for you at the office; together with the pedals. You go through a few photos and take your pick. A date is set.

Critical Mass Nairobi November 2017

Next you are informed about a wide range of tune-ups that your bike requires in order to go faster. You listen carefully and take mental notes. The mechanic in the group gives you his number. You look around and realize that almost everyone around you has one of those bikes with ‘mguu nyembamba’ and dropping handlebars. You learn that they are called road bikes. You ask the price, they tell you, you almost choke on your water. They try to explain the benefits but you simply can’t be convinced. “Will I pay rent for a year or buy a bike?” Pass.

Stage 11: The Zero-speed fall

The delivery is made. A nice pair of Shimano MTB shoes with cleats underneath, together with SPD (Shimano Pedaling Dynamics) pedals. They are beautiful and pro-looking but deep down you are scared that the grim-reaper is smiling just waiting for you to go on your first ever clipped-in ride so that he can claim your soul. It’s after work: you follow all the instructions given on how to install the pedals; put on your shoes and head out of the house. At this point you can almost hear Mr. Reaper laughing at you and so you decide to try your new acquisitions as far away from public roads as possible. The local football pitch - Perfect!

After a little more deliberating you finally gather the courage to get on the bike and clip in. Both feet in, clack! A few metres down the pitch you attempt to make a U-turn, big mistake, too slow, down! This is your very first Zero-speed fall as a Kenyan cyclist. You however realize that your ego is the only thing that’s hurt. You get on up and make a few more attempts, clip in, ride, unclip, stop…repeat. The brain begins to understand this new language, one hour later you feel amazing but realize that it’s going to take a little more getting used to. It’s fine, you’ll figure it out.

Stage 12: Strava

At this point you will either have heard guys you ride with talk about Strava or learnt of it after a quick search on Google using the keywords ‘cycling apps’. For most people in the Kenyan cycling community, Strava is a must-have app and hence the saying “if it isn’t on Strava then it probably didn’t happen”. You finally decide to find out for yourself what the fuss is all about. Average speed, total distance, maximum speed, total elevation gained, leaderboards, the ability to post pictures from your rides, a social media platform for cyclists and Kudos from other riders once you upload your ride! - No more questions asked; you download it!

Strava

Stage 13: Your first century

After a few months on the bike you finally decide to go on your first century ride. You don’t want any pressure so you make the decision to go solo. Favourite kit check; water check; wallet check; phone check; Strava BIG CHECK. This is going to be epic! You head out with a big smile on your face; a new world of achievement awaits.

NB – Some crazier people will attempt their first century only a few weeks after their first ride

The first 50 KM are lovely, life is amazing, you can almost smell colours and see sounds. After 70Km you are no longer smiling. You’ve run out of water and your blood sugar is dangerously low. This is when you start thinking about that Christmas 10 years ago when your mum asked if you wanted another chapatti and you said that you had had enough. If only she made that offer now. You almost cry. This is your first experience with the infamous ‘BONK’. 

Once upon a time in Ole Tepesi. Credit: Ingrid Kruiter

You press on and a few Kilometres ahead you see a shop. What a sight for sore bums! You stop your bike completely forgetting to unclip – Baam! First zero speed fall during an actual ride.  Who cares, you get up fast and rush to the shop. “Niaje boss, Leta Fanta, Coke, mkate nusu, KDF, njugu, glucose na maji litre mbili”. (“How are you boss, give me a Fanta, a Coke, half a loaf of bread, mandazi, peanuts, glucose and two litres of water”.) The shopkeeper obliges with an amused look on his face.

Everything is downed in 5 minutes or less and you feel alive again. You almost forget to pay. You get back on your bike and head back home.

You have done it! Your first 100 KM ride. You swear never to get back on the bike again, deep down you know it’s a lie, You can almost hear your bike laughing at you.............To be continued (Last Part)

The evolution of a (Kenyan) Cyclist - Newbie to Addict - Part 1

“Nothing compares to the simple pleasure of riding a bike” – John F Kennedy

It does not matter where you start, just start. 

If you are a cyclist in Kenya and have been in it for a few years then chances are that you have undergone the evolution process I am about to describe in this article.

Stage 1: Love at first sight

This is where the velo- bug bites you. There you are walking or driving home from work or maybe just seated at a restaurant enjoying a nice cup of tea. Then you see one, two or more cyclists zooming by and baaam! Just like that you are infected with a deep desire to ride a bike. Different people will want to join cycling in Kenya for different reasons key among them:

1.   Re-igniting a childhood passion
2.  The need to explore and be free 
3.  Socializing
4. Health reasons: your doctor said that you are two steps away from high blood pressure at the tender age of 30
5. You heard that ‘a former Kenyan’ named Chris Froome won 3 Tour de France titles – suddenly you believe in dreams
6. It just looks nice and trendy

Stage 2: Buying the bike (at a supermarket)

If you are not lucky enough to know people in the Kenya cycling community then there’s every chance that you will buy your first bike, as an adult, from a Supermarket. Here’s a not-so-fun fact; it will be a shiny and ridiculously heavy contraption that will make life very difficult for you in your early days of cycling. But you won’t care; you will finally have a bike.

Stage 3: The first time out

So now you have your beautiful machine (or so you think) and are ready to go out and conquer the world, just the way you used to in the early days of your life. You put on your T-shirt, Bermuda shorts, Nike running sneakers and that helmet that came with the bike. You take your rugged backpack from college and throw in a jumper, a bottle of water, a roll of tissue paper and 3 sandwiches. You look in the mirror and totally love the guy staring back. 

10 kilometers in you discover that life is not as easy as you had anticipated. You have eaten all your sandwiches; the water bottle is empty; you are sweating like a broken water-dispenser and are probably 2 minutes away from a heart attack. To make matters worse, it feels like every motorist is out to get you. You turn back and crawl all the way home cursing. Once there, you swear never to touch the bloody thing again.

Stage 4: The second ride

It’s 4 or 5 days later and most if not all soreness has left your body. You are bit idle in the house and you say “what the heck!” You take your bike and head out again and this time round it is a little less torturous; in fact you could actually call it fun. You even manage to take a few selfies for 'the gram'

The writer two years back...

"VeloNos More Sky series "

Stage 5: The regimen

You now have several rides in your bum and damn does it feel amazing! It’s almost like you have been reborn. So you come up with a regimen: a ride or two every weekend and maybe another one during the week. You still carry a backpack with all the necessary survival provisions of a soldier but now you are eating and drinking just a little less because your body is slowly adapting.

Stage 6: Meeting the Kenya Cycling community

One sunny Saturday morning you decide to go for your first 50 Km. You pack all your basic necessities and rush out gleefully like a little child. A few Kilometers in you meet another cyclist and you wave, not too long after, another group. "So there are people out here just like me huh?", it feels nice. Further down the road you stop for a breather and a few minutes later you are joined by yet another rider but this one looks like an alien compared to you. 

The guy is clad in shiny, tight-fitting clothing with weird Nordic/Dutch literature. Compared to his, your helmet looks like something from a World War 2 museum. His shoes, you come to learn later, clip into the pedals –an unimaginable thought for your newbie brain. His bike is like nothing you have ever seen; light, sexy and seemingly Bugatti-fast. Today is your lucky day; you have met a Velo professor and best of all he is more than willing to share his experiences, knowledge and general information. You talk for 10 minutes and exchange contacts. Your life is about to change.........................To be continued